I started the hot water running. After only a few minutes the water
started backing up and filling the tub.

Damn, the drainpipe had frozen againā€¦ One of the frustrating
challenges of living in the cold (but beautiful) mountains of
Colorado.

As I got bundled up so I could head outdoors and defrost the
drainpipeā€¦ againā€¦ I’ve flashed on what I should’ve done.

Prevention is so simple.Ā  When the temperatures are get into the
teens outside all I need to do is run some hot water through the
pipes if each evening, before going to bedā€¦ avoiding frozen pipes and
hours of work defrosting them.

What does any of this have to do with your relationship?

Great questionā€¦ read on and find out.

Soā€¦ as I headed out the door, mumbling under my breath and wishing
I had just spent a few minutes in keeping the pipe thawed, I realize
how much this is like a relationship.

A few minutes of preventionā€¦ of gratitudeā€¦ can keep a small issue
from becoming a huge issueā€¦ and can prevent the freezing of the
emotional pipes between you and your lover.

Very often, clients wait the last minute to come to meā€¦ after the
pipes are frozen solid ā€¦ and love doesnā€™t even have a chance of
flowing at between them. At this point, it would take a blow torch to
defrost their pipes and solve their relationship problemsā€¦ but
luckily it’s not impossible.

So here’s my quick ā€˜Gratitude Exerciseā€™.

Do this exercise at least once a week, especially when it’s cold
outside so you can keep your relationship communication pipes thawed
and the love flowing.

Simply sit down with your lover, decide who’s going to go first,
and then who ever goes first is going to tell their partner three
things they are grateful for/what they appreciate about their lover.

Here’s an example: Joe and Sarah are having a tough day, in fact,
it’s tempting just to turn on the TV and turn off any chance of
connection, understanding and intimacy that night.

But Sarah decides she wants more from their relationshipā€¦ and is
willing to take the lead to get itā€¦ she grabs Joe by the hand and
leads him to the couch, saying ā€œI knowā€¦ let’s try that ā€˜Gratitude
Exerciseā€™ā€¦Ā  and I’ll even go first.ā€

Reluctantly, Joe settles into the couch next to her. His face looks
doubtful, but the truth is, he is actually intrigued by the idea and
skeptically hopeful about the outcome.

After all, she’s about to tell him what she appreciates about him,
rather than lecturing him on what he’s done wrong and how he should
change. Now thatā€™s a relief.

Sarah is a little uncomfortable to start with but fires away ā€œJoe,
you know, last week, when you took the kids camping and fishing with
youā€¦ and had to miss your bowling night to do itā€¦ They were so happy
and excited when they got home, filled with stories of their great
adventureā€¦ I was so proud of you as my lover and their father. It
really touched my heart!ā€

She then moves on to the second one. ā€œHoney, I’m afraid I haven’t
been thanking you for making the bed in the morning while I’m rushing
to get the kids to school and make breakfast. You have no idea how
that simple act makes me feel so loved and supported.Ā  Thank you!ā€

At this point, she can see the Joe is visibly moved and touched by
these first two statements of gratitudeā€¦ and she can see heā€™s even
looking forward to moreā€¦

Inspired, she says makes her final statement. ā€œI know this is going
to sound kind of funny, but I’d totally appreciate that you work out
at the gym several times a week. I love it that my girlfriends are
envious about how good you look.ā€

After sitting there and holding hands for a few minutes, they
switch and itā€™s Joe’s turn. When they were done, the pipes were
thawed and love is flowing through them easily.
Okay, now it’s your turn.
Grab your lover by the hand sit them down on the couch and give it
a try.Ā  Donā€™t worry about getting it right, JUST DO ITā€¦

With passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling
Your relationship coach

P.S. Iā€™m looking forward your feedback. Give it a shot and than
leave a comment below. Until next timeā€¦

PPS. make sure to check out my ebook on relationship
communication at: http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

there are really only 3 main options:

• the first thing people try and change is their love
• when that doesn’t work – they will change lovers (separation or divorce)
• the last and most effective thing to change… change the way you communicate with your lover.

Listen in to this surprising interview about relationship
communication and you will learn:

• the 5 most common relationship-wrecking communication mistakes: discover these and you can avoid upsets without having to avoid the issues
• the 2 reasons you don’t have what you want in a relationship: this will show you where to focus if you want a breakthrough in your relationship
• what intimacy is and how to get more it – starting today… or tonight
• and much much more….

Part #1 Ā 

Part #2 Ā 

Part #3 Ā 

Part #4 Ā 

to find our more about

THE TURNING POINT: A RELATIONSHIP
REBUILDING RETREAT IN THE ROCKIES

just go to http://www.magicrelationship.com/workshop-ttp.htm

See You Soon,

Paul Sterling

PS Registration ends July 7th… so if you are interested in more love, intimacy and understanding – with less conflicts, misunderstanding and upsets in relationship – call to save a place today. (970) 586-7734

July 17, 18 and 19 2009

Per person $695.00 /Per couple $995.00

They have cleared the calender for the weekend
of July 17-18-19 at Gold Lake Spa and asked me
to come up and teach a weekend relationship
retreat.

Why should you care – this could be your chance to
turn your relationship around and get it back on track.

(see case study below from past participant.)

The Turning Point – A Relationship Rebuilding Retreat
in the Heart of the Colorado Rockies (35 miles from
Boulder CO.)

Now this is not for everyone, there is the cost of travel
and the course itself will be somewhere between $1,295
to $1,595 per couple…

The great part is the price will include food and
accommodations – the tough part is we only have
room for 21 couples and I am sending this info out
to 6,380 people this week.

It will fill up fast.

That’s all for now – many more details to come…
but if you are interested – please get on the early
notice list - you will be the first to get access to
the registration application (yes you have to apply
for this event) when we make it available.

Click here to get on this no obligation-early notice
email list….

http://www.magicrelationship.net/turningpoint.htm

May Your Relationship Dreams Come True,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

turn this into this

PS:Let me tell you a story.

Last December, a
young and beautiful couple came to one of
my relationship workshops. They loved each
other very muchā€¦

But hereā€™s where the story gets weird.

You see, even though the loved each
other, their situation is hopeless. This
couple had tried everything and the
situation just got worse. No matter how
hard they tried, their relationship
problems just got recycled rather than
resolved.

They had done their best, but nothing
changed. Andā€¦ there was nothing they could
do about it. They felt helpless, hopeless,
hurt, frustrated and disappointed.

It wasnā€™t fair, they had tried so hard
and loved each other so much and still, it
looked like it was going to end in a
painful divorce.

Their Communication often ended up with
misunderstandings… misunderstandings that
led to argumentsā€¦ arguments that eventually
ended up with the silent treatment.

And both of them ended up walking around
on egg shells ā€“ avoiding each other and
avoiding the issuesā€¦

Henry and Velina showed up at the
workshop feeling pretty overwhelmed and
hopeless. They even announced on the first
day of the workshop that they were going to
break up.

The only reason they were there
was to be learn how to communicate better
through the separation.

Over the course of the weekend, Henry and
Velina learned new communication tools and
worked hard improve their skills.

They practiced like crazy. There were tears and
upsets and heart-to-heart talks and
breakthroughs. And by the end of the
weekend they were communicating much more
openly and honestly about their individual
feelings and needs.

They went home and I didnā€™t hear from
them for a while. And then one day I got
this email from Velina:

Subject: Good news

I just wanted to pass on to you the good
news. Henry and I have renewed our vows to
each other and reunited in marriage. We are
using the MRM tools [the Magic Relationship
Method] successfully and doing better than
EVER!

Thank you guys so much for your support.

I got the business cards too and will be
sure to pass them on.

We love you!
Velina

Click here to get on the early notice list
http://www.magicrelationship.net/turningpoint.htm

Hi Friends,

This was supposed to happen around Valentines Day…
but do to technical difficulties…

What to gift to get – what to do that will really make
a difference and have an impact?

Okay great questionā€¦ so what are we are all interested in itā€¦

ā€¦but we were never taught how to talk about itā€¦

In fact – I was a little shy about posting this – but
itā€™s too important a subject to ignoreā€¦ especially when it
comes to having great, passionate and intimate relationships.

Soā€¦ As my very, very, very late Valentines Day Gift to youā€¦

ā€¦I am going to interview Ellen Eatough – The Soulful Sex
Coachā€¦

And you can ease-drop for freeā€¦..

Most of us didnā€™t learn the secrets of having a great sex
from our parentsā€¦

orā€¦

how to touch your lover in a way that rocks their world from
our locker room buddiesā€¦

orā€¦

how to ask our lovers what they really wantā€¦

Save your space now by clicking on this link
>> http://www.magicrelationship.com/ask-ellen.htm <<

Listen in as Ellen tells me about:

- Why the type of foreplay some people engage in can be
counterproductive, no matter how much time they spend at it

- How to share deeper intimacy without a lot of talk

- What it takes to really satisfy a woman

- What you can do to rev up a waning libido (yours or your
partnerā€™s)

- The single most important thing a man can do to last longer
(no, itā€™s not ā€œgearing downā€ or doing baseball stats in his head)

- How to help a woman ā€œlet goā€ and be more spontaneous and
responsive during lovemaking

- The surprising thing men want most from sex

- What a woman can do to help her man experience full-body
orgasms

And MUCH MOREā€¦ including a time to answer your specific
questionsā€¦

Whatā€™s all this means to you and your relationship? ā€¦ more
intimacy, passion and excitement to your sex life.

Andā€¦ You can listen in to this conference call from the
privacy of your home phone or over the computer just go toā€¦

Save your place now by clicking hereā€¦
>>Ā  http://www.magicrelationship.com/ask-ellen.htm <<

To Making Your Relationship Dreams Come True

Paul Sterling

PS. Some things in life you can delegate, some things in life
you can put off until tomorrow, and some things are worth doing
today – give the greatest gift your lover has ever received this
Valentines Day .

Click here now to save your space
>> http://www.magicrelationship.com/ask-ellen.htm <<

PPS. Just so you know, Ellen is a friend and I studied her
information, itā€™s very powerful, useful, easy to understandā€¦
and ā€¦ in very good taste. I was lucky get her to say because of
her very busy schedule.

Please take advantage of this and listen in for some special
tipsā€¦ you can start applying today

PPPs Can’t make the call – but still want the info – you can
get Ellenā€™s CD set and learn at homeā€¦ just click on the
image below.

I cover what you can change and how to change it to make things
better in your relationship.

Bring back the love, intimacy and understanding to your relationship today.

Your Relationship Coach

PS. make sure you sign up to get earliy notification
of the next relationship saving video…

Just enter your name and email in the upper right hand
corner of this page.

Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving,
 

I am writing this while watching the sun rise here in Boulder, Colorado
having just enjoyed an evening of tantric bliss with my new girlfriend, Kay.

This last year has been interesting, bumpy and there is much to be
thankful for, especially to my clients for reaching out and giving me the
chance to touch and coach them in the area of compassionate
communication for relationships.

Thank You…

During this holiday season, be gentle on yourself – as they are
stressful, with travel, family get togethers (or not), dealing with
relatives and expectations… damn those expectations.

And so today, here is a brief, but powerful, 4 step exercise you can
use with the people you love a care about… your lover, your kids, your
relatives and your freinds…

Here we go:

ask them if you can have a minute – sit next to them – and…

a)Start with an observation – tell them about something very specific
(an observation) that they did or said that touched, moved or inspired you…

b) Next – how you ‘Feel’ about it… tell them why that touched you –
and how that made you feel…

c) Now tie in the ‘Needs’ that are being met… what need of yours
was met by what they did…

d) And lastly… you make a request… This last step is really important…
and most people miss it when communicating… that is to make sure that
they heard what you said and how they felt when they heard it (sort of a
completion of the cycle) try asking them either “what did you hear me
say?” or “how did you feel hearing it?”

You will be amazed by the power of this simple 3-5 minute exercise.

Here is are 4 examples…

Example #1 To Spouse

a) (to spouse) The way you take care of our kids, getting them up
each morning, getting them ready for school and taking them to all their
events…
b) makes me feel so proud and lucky to be your partner…
c) and that meets my needs for support, partnership and
caring…
d)  Honey… can you tell what you heard me say?

Example #2 To Lover

a) (to lover) When you took me out to dinner…
b) I felt so touched, loved and cared for …
c)  it meets my needs for feeling special, important and
loved…
d) can you tell me how you felt when you heard me say that?

Example #3 To Child

a) (to kids) When you came home with an A+ on you math test…
b) I felt so proud and excited …
c) meets my need to know you are going to be successful…
d) would you be willing to tell me how you feel hearing that?

Example #4 To Parent

a) (to parent) When you gave up on some of your dreams, so I could
join the band…
b) I felt so taken care of and loved…
c)  and it meets my needs for support, caring and understanding…
d) can you tell me what you heard?

Just in case you are saying that this sounds a little odd and you never talk
like that… just know that that is a normal reaction… and if you want new
results – you have to try something new.

And don’t worry, it becomes easier with practice.

Now go and practice this and no… you don’t have to get it right for it
to work.

Just give it a try and they will know that you love and care about
them (at some future time I will give you ore details on this 4
step method).

Okay, if all that seams just a little overwhelming… here is the short

version. Just take a moment and tell them “I am glad you are here… you
are special and make my life better… Thank You”… simple enough
but not said enough.

Have a great Thanksgiving…
with gratitude and appreciation,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

PS, please post your comments here after you have tried this exercise.
Happy Thanksgiving…

I was once told that the normal outcome of most communication is misunderstanding…
aboveis a case in point…

To avoid this type of un-nessicary upset and hurt feelings, make sure to check out our
5 Most Common Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes ebook…

Until next time,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

 Does this post strike a cord with you… from either point of view?
POST YOUR COMMENTS BELOW…

Divorce is an incredibly painful and trying time for everybody in a family. 

Being able to communicate your feelings and needs in an effective manner is one way to help keep your own sanity and to check in with your partner and children. 

Of course you’d always want to check in with your children – but your partner?  Why not?  Just because you’re divorcing doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful of their feelings and needs as well.

    or 

Okay, if I haven’t lost you on that last comment (I know a lot of people really don’t want to connect with their soon-to-be-ex), read on!

click here to read… The Rest of the Story…

People are put into classes by the courts to learn how to control their anger. Kids are sent to their rooms until they can act ‘nice.’ Partners take great pains not to reveal their anger to their significant other for fear that they’ll be either a ‘bitch’ or an ‘abusive husband.’

Good grief, there’s a lot of pain, embarrassment and shame around this emotion!

But, do you know what? To even think that anger is ‘unhealthy’ is an evaluation that’s unfair and unproductive.

Actually, it’s the thinking behind the anger that usually isn’t so useful. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg writes about this in his book, “Getting Past the Pain Between Us,” (available at cnvc.org).

Anger itself merely alerts us to a disharmony between our thoughts and reality. And in all actuality, it’s very valuable for letting us know that some changes need to be made.

The hard part, though, is analyzing the thoughts behind the anger to decide what we need to change. First we have to decide what need of ours is not being met so that we’re feeling this anger. And to discover that need, it’s useful t o use our emotions as a guide.

    * – Fear would lead us to believe that what we’re lacking is safety – either emotional or physical.

    * – Disappointment would lead us to believe that what’s lacking is satisfaction, appreciation, accomplishment…

    * – Confusion would lead us to the need for clarity and understanding.

    * – Loneliness would lead to connection.

    * – Overwhelm would lead us to the need for peace and harmony.

Once you’ve identified what the lack is in your life, then you can make a decision to change the ways things are. And even more importantly, you can begin to act on these decisions.

Depression is often the result of feeling helpless, as though we’re going to be stuck in a situation forever. Actually, if you’re good and angry, you’re probably not suffering from depression – depression is more like low-grade, long-term anger. It’s what I wrestle with. and I know that to get myself out of the depression, I have to make changes.

What’s disappointing about the above process, is that I’d usually like immediate relief from the anger and depression. But that never happens. Usually, I won’t be able to really make some changes in my life for the better until I can talk with the person who’s bothering me, or get more money to do the thing that will make me happier, etc.

But once you’ve made the decision to change things, then you can calm down a bit, knowing that it’s just a matter of time before everything will be so much better. You can start right now with studying; planning and getting ready to make the big change that’s going to rock your world into something you love.

to find out more about:

    The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Mistakes

    The 4 Steps For Creating Instant Intimacy

    The 7 Sacred Keys to Creating a Relationship Oasis

www.magicrelationship.com

There is a communication toolbox you can use to:
            Resolve conflicts confidently, compassionately and quickly.

            Clear up misunderstanding in minutes.

            Talk about tough issues without taking it personally or making it personal. In other words, no more attacking your partner or having to defend yourself.

            Learn to talk so they want to listen and understand you.

            Learn how to listen so they want to open up and talk about their hidden dreams and desires along with their fear and doubts.

            Create more love, honesty, trust, harmony, support and understanding in your relationship starting today.

Remember if the only tool you have in your tool box is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. Get yourself a bigger, bad-er, bolder and more powerful communication tool box and you can create anything.

After listening to this 2 1/2 minute audio, go to www.magicrelationship.com