Discover the secrets to turning you relationship around. Be HEARD, UNDERSTOOD and VALUED… Learn the power of conscious, compassionate and courageous communication with you lover.

and yes it is 10 MINUTES LONG… but hey, what if it could help you know what to do to save your relationship?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Please watch this mind… and heart opening video… and then leave your comments below.

If you would like a copy of ‘The Turning Point In Your Relationship’ flow chart…  you can download a pdf by clicking on this link or on the image below.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/turning_point_in_your_relationship.pdf

With purpose, passion and possibility,

Paul Sterling

To get your copy of my new book on
compassionate communication for couples
called ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love’

click here...

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

It’s like a switch was flipped and she was gone.

I know it was something that I said… I just didn’t know what?

That was years ago, before I had uncovered the 5 painful, heart-breaking and sometimes relationship-wrecking communication mistakes.

I wish I had learned about these 5 mistakes years ago, before the divorce and two broken engagements. Some people say that ignorance is bliss, but they are wrong, very wrong.

Not knowing what these mistakes are… how to identify them… and most importantly…how to avoid them was very costly and painful.

You may not know what they are… YET!

But let me tell how to know when you have made one of them. I sure you will recognize these symptoms.

The biggest symptom is one I call the LISTENING SWITCH – make any one of these 5 mistakes and it’s like you flipped a switch and your lover will stop listening – almost instantly!

It’s like they just hit an emotional overload and automatically switched off, they blow a fuse, they tripped an emotional breaker. Okay enough with the metaphors – you get the point.

And… some people have fragile switches, look at them wrong and it’s over. And here’s the hard part… once the breaker is tripped, you have to find their breaker box and reset the switch.

WARNING: Once the switch is flipped – you go from having a loving and compassionate conversation with your lover – to defending yourself against an enemy attack from someone who wants to let you to know you hurt their feeling – by trying to hurt yours.

Another way to know if you made one these mistakes is when an intimate conversation… suddenly turns into a cold, distant, reserved, defensive argument in seconds… and you may not even know why. You are sitting there thinking to yourself, what did I say?

You may never know you did wrong, only that it suddenly got very quiet – or load – or angry. And… now you are walking on egg shells. How confusing, frustrating and upsetting is that? Man, it’s just not fair. And… you end up settling for one word – one way conversations…

The problem here is that once they have turned off the listening switch, it becomes increasing harder and harder to turn it back on… to get them to trust again, to open their ears, their mind and their heart again… to be willing to be vulnerable again. It can takes hours, then days, then weeks and then they are done, it’s game over and any chance to turn things around is gone… the only thing that’s left is regrets.

Make these mistakes every once in a while, even accidentally, and you will hurt your lover’s feelings, they will also feel confused, misunderstood and maybe even attacked… becoming either defensive or attacking back. Now that sucks doesn’t it? Someone is sleeping on the coach tonight.

Make these mistakes more often and it leads to lost trust, intimacy, connection, no romance and a none-existent sex life. At this stage you both still love each other… but are having a hard time living together, the fire is going out fast and you are starting to wonder if it’s worth-while to stay together.

Make them too often… and it’s over! There really is a point of no return, no more do-overs… just the heart-break of separation or divorce, meaning the loss of your loved one and the death of your dreams of happily ever after.. No joke – broken hearts, destroyed self esteem, questioning your self worth…

You may think I’m being overly dramatic here. NOT SO! The problem is most people don’t pay attention in time, they miss their chance to do something, to turn it around before it’s too late. Don’t wait until your teeth are falling out before going to dentist and don’t wait until they move out before realizing there is a problem and trying to get your relationship back in shape.

If you are feeling a little confused and overwhelmed by the whole subject of relationship communication…

It’s not your fault, most of us weren’t taught the secrets to great relationship communication, so of course you didn’t know any better… but if you want things to change, to get better, it is your responsibility. You know have an answer in your hands.

A communication method that will help you to open their ears and hear you, open their minds and understand you and open their hearts and listen with compassion

The 5 compassionate and courageous communication habits you need to develop if you want what you say to be heard, understood and valued.

What you are about to discover a simple compassionate communication method that leaves both people feeling heard, understood and valued. SOUND GOOD?

That is the purpose of this book, to take you by the hand, and walk you step-by-step, though a set a 5 simple, and powerful compassionate communication habits that leave both people feeling heard, understood, and valued.

And isn’t that what we all want… even crave… in a relationship. To be HEARD… To be UNDERSTOOD… and to be VALUED!

With possibility, purpose and passion,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Communication Coach

PS. In case you are curious and want to know what the 5 mistakes are…
mistake 1) Case Building
mistake 2) Story Telling
mistake 3) Message Assuming
mistake 4) Cup Stuffing
mistake 5) the Fatal F’s

I cover them all in detail in…

STOP… In The Name Of Love

PPS. When I say heard, understood and valued… these 3 things are critical so let me say a little more about each of them…

Heard: let me be blunt here, most people have this ass backwards. I know I sure did.  They believe the myth that says, the more you talk, the more chance you have a being heard and understood… the people who believe this myth end up going on… and on… and on… until you tune them out completely, ignoring everything you say. The truth is the complete opposite! For communication to be heard… it needs to be done in small chunks, sometimes even tiny ones. If it’s really important and emotional you may need to go a sentence at a time.

Understood: Dr. Rosenberg, the psychologist that taught me Nonviolent Communication says that “The normal outcome of most communication is misunderstanding.”  This is especially true if the issues are important and emotional and sensitive.  If people perceive they are being misunderstood, or being made wrong or being attacked, they tend to get defensive, attack back, often building into painful conflicts and knockdown drag out fights..

You may want to know, there is a secret to instantly clear up misunderstandings and make sure that you were both heard… and more importantly understood. It’s a simple, powerful and effective tool called a feedback loop.

Valued/appreciated: what’s it feel like to you when you don’t think your lover is hearing… or understanding what you have to say?  The bottom line is most people don’t feel respected, appreciated or valued by their lover. What happens to the trust, intimacy and passion — it’s right out the door.  It also ends any possibility for open and honest communication

To discover the 5 does… and don’t to intimate and compassionate communication, click here instantly download a copy my new book

STOP... In The Name Of Love

STOP… In The Name Of Love

The 5 compassionate and courageous communication habits
you need to develop if you want what you say to be heard,
understood and valued.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook-order.htm

Have you ever noticed that the people you love the most, are often the most difficult to talk to?  Come discover a compassionate communication method that allows both of you to feel really heard, understood and valued… in any situation.

Picture how much more enjoyable your relationship would be… without the constant drama of conflicts… without the stress of painful misunderstandings…  without having to walk on egg shells… without the frustration of one-word, one-way conversations… when you can talk openly and honestly about almost anything…

On Sunday September 26, at the Spiritkeepers Event, I will be doing a one hour workshop. (this is in Boulder, CO at ‘The West Boulder Senior Center – 909 Arapahoe Avenue – for directions or more information go to: http://www.magicrelationship.net/spirit

you’ll discover how to:

… avoid the 5 common communication pitfalls that wreck relationships and replace them with healthy habits

… end the painful downward spiral some relationships get into and start bringing back the intimacy, understanding, and passion you desire before it’s too late!”

… listen so that your partner wants to open up and talk – talk so your partner wants to listen and understand you

… stop the painful  blame, shame and guilt game – and talk about important, stressful issues without taking things personally or making them personal

The key to a great relationship… is great communication… and when that communication breaks down – so does the relationship. In fact most relationship problems are really just communication problems. So if you want to improve the quality of your relationship, or in some cases: to save your relationship, the secret is to improve the quality of your communication…

Compassionate Communication For Couples Intro

I hope to see you there,

Paul Sterling

PS for more info: http://www.magicrelationship.net/spirit

Listen in and discover how to build a connection of openness, honesty and trust using Fearless Listening and Compassionate Communication to create Courageous Intimacy in your love life.

Discover the secrets to transforming your love life inside and outside the bedroom, both physical and emotional intimacy.

And the 5 intimacy destroying mistakes most couples make…

with passion, possibility and purpose,

Paul Sterling

PS. to get the study guide/handout go to

http://www.magicrelationship.net/study

PPS. to get a copy of my new ebook – STOP… In The Name Of Love – A Compassionate Communication Workbook for Couples, go to

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

The content is great – the recording quiet, much to my disappointment, isn’t perfect…

To get a copy of the STUDY-GUIDE for this call – go to:

http://www.magicrelationship.net/study

Listen, discover and enjoy,

Paul Sterling

PS  Please leave your comments and feedback below

PPS.       ABOUT THE SPEAKER:
Paul Sterling is a relationship coach, a public speaker
and the author several eBooks on relationship communication,
including “STOP… In The Name Of Love” “The 5
Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes” and “The 4
Steps to Instant Intimacy and Understanding”

OTHER LINKS: To discover more about the speaker and
communication secrets, check out these videos:

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freevideos

For info on my new ebook:

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook-new.htm

Bridging The Gap Between Us - relationship video series

You Already Know That When Your Communication Starts Breaking Down – So Does Your Relationship…

What most couples don’t know… is how to STOP this painful downward spiral and bring back the love, understanding, intimacy and romance that they desire before it’s too late!”

… in this series of videos you will discover relationship tips, tools and techniques.

Click here to watch the first video now…

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freevideos

with passion, purpose and possiblity,

Paul Sterling
your relationship coach

The 5 Destructive Communication Habits That Destroy Relationships.

Last week I did a one hour, interactive conference call/teleseminar covering what these 5 habits are… and how to change them before they destroy your relationship.

It was a great call, but do to the short notice, a lot of people missed and emailed asking for the recording of this call…

Ask and it is yours… at least some of the time.

With Passion, Purpose and Possibility,

Paul Sterling

PS if you want to get the ebook and bonus mp3 intereveiws
http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook-new.htm

Here is the call

I’m writing this, looking out over three hammocks, and the beautiful blue ocean. Part of the reason I’m writing this long-winded post, is to let you know why I haven’t finished updating the last three chapters of the e-book… I promise to do it soon.

Until then, here’s a quick tour of the beautiful little town Yelapa, on the west coast of Mexico, just south of Puerto Vallarta.

The main street, which isn’t really a street at all, more like a weaving path, sometimes with concrete and cobblestones, sometimes just mud and stones, is truly the main and only thoroughfare through town.

At its widest spots, you can use a four-wheel-drive ATV, something that sort of like a heavy-duty go-cart, but the most common travel is by foot or by burro. The burros seem to do most of the heavy lifting and transporting through town and up the narrow mountain trails… Yelapa is small it’s more like a village… not really sure what to call it.

Anyway, I’m sure that after a couple of weeks you get to know everybody, and everybody, for better or for worse gets to know you, because you pass them daily on the main street – path – trail… and you’re on foot.

I definitely enjoy the feel. The 15 minute walk to town, often takes two or three times as long because of the conversations you have the people along the way.

Yesterday we took a two hour trip (I’m here with my brother and mother… and soon my girlfriend will be flying in to join us) up the narrow jungle trail into the local rainforest to see some wonderful waterfalls.

About a half an hour out of town, we came across something that best could be called the shack. There was as many planks missing from the side of the building, as were in place. It truly looked like one strong wind would blow the whole thing over… and yet there in the middle of nowhere was the satellite dish. Ah yes, modern technology.

As we waalked deeper into the rain forest, it became very clear why it was called the RAIN forest… there was several times we retreated under the shelter of very large and twisting trees, staying relatively dry in the downpours.

We are here in February, which I’m guaranteed by the locals is the dry season, and so far. It’s rained almost every day so far… including one major tropical storm, which blew rain 20 feet into the living room, soaking furniture, beds, pretty much everything.

Oh yeah, there are no windows, and only very limited walls as protection against the storm… so when the winds started howling, it blew in one side out of house and out the other.

I don’t have the wrong about any of this, I’m not complaining… so far it’s felt like a grand adventure.

And it keeps getting better, after returning from the rain forest, we decide to go for a swim in the ocean. I was standing about knee deep in the gentle surf, when I looked down and noticed something undulating in the ways. As I watched more closely, I realized it was actually swimming. Than there was two of them, than three, than four…

Turns out that these creatures were a relative of moray eels, called Tiger Reef Eels. They look like and swimming snake, are about a foot and a half long and have beautiful pattern of black-and-white, but i must say, I was a little intimidating by the idea of swimming with them, since it first, I thought they might be sea snakes.

Well after my non-swim with the eels. I decided to keep my commit and finish working on my e-book – STOP… In The Name of Love. This meant dealing with the local technology problems.

which, by the way, wasn’t doing so well since the rain took down the local wireless Internet connection… for about a day and a half… when they finally got that fixed.

Caroline, who manages the place we’re staying, let me know that I better come check my e-mails while had a chance.

I headed over to the main house where everything’s set up, got my laptop computer going and found out that I have about 473 e-mails in my inbox that wanted to my attention… before I could do anything about it, we had a electrical blackout.

That lasted the next three hours. So by the time we got electricity again I was in the middle of a card game… and so I’ve put off checking my e-mail until this morning.

Oh yeah, at that point there over 610 that need my attention… and I’m thinking of heading off to town for breakfast… instead.

I think this is probably the longest excuse letter I’ve ever written so far… Welcome to Mexico.

With passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

PS. If you haven’t already signed up to get one of my ebooks as gift (but only until Valentines Day) just click here. http://www.magicrelationship.net/valentine

STOP… In The Name of Love…

How to STOP the 5 Destructive Communication Habits Before They Destroy Your Loving Relationship…

The draft version is not longer available… but you can get a copy at http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook/

Just think about this – the foundation to a great relationship is great communication.

Great Communication = Great Relationship…

Poor communication = Poor relationship…

Here’s another way to say it:  what you CAN talk about… and… what you CAN’T talk about… shapes your relationship… it’s the key to trust, openness, honesty, and intimacy.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that having chemistry… and friendship… and a great sex life… along with many other factors also contribute to a great relationship… but the number one key is great communication!

And on the other side: money issues, jealousy, loss of passion and intimacy, infidelity, children, work obligations, ex’s and in-laws… all can contribute to the stresses of a relationship… but again, if you know how to talk through it – you can get though it.

Think about this painful fact: “most relationships don’t end because of a lack of love; they end because of a lack of communication skills.”

As your relationship faces increasing challenges and demands – your communication skills also need to improve and expand. Basically you need new skills to face the new challenges.

What you may not know (or at least might have thought of it this way before) is that almost all relationship problems are communication problems.

This is really, really, really important… so let me say that again.

Almost all relationship problems are really communication problems.

So, if you can transform the way you communication, you can solve most of your relationship problems.

Got it?  Good!

As one of my mentors once said…

“Change the way you communicate and you can change your relationship with anyone.” Tony Robbins

To find out more about this eye opening, mind opening, ear opening… and yes… heart opening book on compassionate communication for couples, just go to http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

with purpose, possiblity amd passion,

Paul Sterling

PS to find out what the 5 relationship-wrecking communication mistakes are… and how to avoid them, get a copy of  ‘STOP… In The Name of Love’ today… discover how to be heard, understood and values in your relationship.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

thanks for your e-mails offering support and requesting an update on the progress of the e-book.

Stop… In The Name Of Love – How to Stop the Five Destructive Communication Habits That May Be Destroying Your Loving Relationship

well here it is – at about 1:00 last night when i got because the dog had an accident…

(yeah, I know tmi)

anyway, I couldn’t go back to sleep so instead of laying in bed – tossing and turning – i finished chapter #3

the chapter on the destructive habit called;  STORYTELLING… That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…

so for your reference here is a reader’s digest form of the Table Of Contents…
(don’t worry – there is much more in the book – this is just to give you a sneak
peak)

• The 5 Communication Habits Intro
  The ‘Real Reason’ most relationships end, fail…
  hint- it’s not what you think

• Habit 1) CASE-BUILDING… I’m Right – You’re Wrong…
  Anything  you say can and will… be used against you…

  How labeling will destroy your relationship
  A simple way to re-connect with your lover

• Habit 2) STORYTELLING… That’s my story and I’m sticking to it… Asking for what you want so you they want to give it
  How your stories rob you of intimacy and love.
  Why people’s stories are more important than reality
  How the stories you tell… can make your life Hell – or Heaven

• Habit 3) MESSAGE ASSUMING…  When Mind Reading Goes Bad… The two types of messages assuming
  What causes misunderstandings and how to avoid them
  The trick the pizza guy knows, that could save your relationship
  The one question that stops message assuming in its tracks

• Habit 4) CUP STUFFING… The Straw That Broke the Relationships Back… When to never ask for what you want… and why
  One simple question that will let you know exactly what to give your lover

• Habit 5) The FATAL F’s… Let Me Tell You What To Do… A common mistake that will repel your partner and erode trust
  Secret recipe for juicy intimacy and rebuilding trust
• and much, much more…

When you are done reading this eBook, you will understand where most misunderstandings, conflicts, upsets and arguments come from… and more importantly, what to do about it

With passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling

Your Relationship Coach

PS. if you haven’t already reserved your FREE COPY, do it now, before Valentines Day (after that it’s $47.95) -

… just go to http://www.magicrelationship.net/valentine