…there was amazing food, live music, dancing and lots of great conversations.

And one topic that kept coming up was relationships.

Many of my friends were going through upsets, misunderstandings and painful transitions in their relationships.

They talked about their love/hate feeling about the holidays because of all the stress and drama this season caused in their relationships.

Each new celebration, function or family event was an opportunity for upsets, misunderstanding, arguments and fights… all sorts of communication breakdowns.

Which party are we going to and why… which party do avoid at all costs… who’s family do we spend Christmas with, how do we talk to the ex-s, in-laws, the ex-in-laws, the step kids.

My friends wanted to know if my communication secrets could help them make it though the holidays with killing each other… or some innocent friend or family member.

I remember one time, years ago, getting in a huge upset with my dad because he thought I was putting the tinsel on the Christmas tree the “Wrong Way”.

No kidding, there is a RIGHT WAY to put tinsel on a tree. Go Figure.

Anyway that upset bleed over into my relationship and caused all sorts of drama…

It almost ruined our Christmas OVER TINSEL… ahhh.

That was BEFORE  I learned the secrets of Compassionate Communication.

I am so thankful for how different, open and honest my communication was with my dad towards the end of his life. Each year I thank my the friends that introduced me to Compassionate Communication.

Anyway I left this Thanksgiving meal committed to do what I could to help my loyal readers (that’s you) make this holiday different.

To help you  avoid the painful communication pitfalls  and experience more love, intimacy, connection, compassion and understanding with your loved ones.

Sound good to you?

If so, than I will give you several ways to have a Miracle This Christmas.

Since one of the most important components of a great relationships is great communication, here are two ways you can learn these communication secrets.

Option a) This is for you if you want these communications secrets delivered in audio format.
Compassionate Communication Audio Interview Set

Includes the Following 3 Recordings:

• “The 5 Heart-Breaking, Intimacy-Destroying,
  and Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes”
• “The 4 Simple Steps To Creating Instant
  Intimacy and Understanding”
• “The 7 Keys to a Magic Relationship”

If you are like me… and would rather listen than read another book (my bandstand has about 10
books sitting on it, impatiently waiting to be read).

($97.00 for the complete set of audio interviews)

In fact I decided to give away a FREE COPY of my eBook ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love’ (normally $19.95) to anyone who ordered the audio set.

But make sure to use this link to get the special

http://www.MagicRelationship.net/special/ebook-mp3

Option b) This is for you if you want some relationship coaching about specific communications issues. You get the audios from option a) along with the free eBook… and you also get a one hour coaching session over the phone.

I will personally work with you… or you and your lover… over the phone from anywhere in the world and coach you on your specific issue.

The eBook is normally $19.95,
the mp3s are $97.00,
an hour of my coaching is $97.00 (all together this would be $213.95)

http://www.MagicRelationship.net/ebook-mp3-coaching

All 3 for only $127 – i can only do this for the first 30 people because that is 30 hours i am adding to my already busy schedule. I expect this to sell out so please don’t be afforded if I run out of time before you get in… if that happens, you can still get the eBook and Mp3s.

so… if this interests you, do it today.
with passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling

This is not going to sound super sexy… but hey, it’s so true. The key to it all, to surviving… and maybe even thriving over the holidays is your communication skills.

Option a) $97 for the eBook and Mp3

1. The Compassionate Communication Audio Interview Set
2. the eBook ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love’

http://www.MagicRelationship.net/special/ebook-mp3

Option b) $127 for all three

1. 1 Hour Personal Coaching over the phone
2. The Compassionate Communication Audio Interview Set
3. the eBook ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love’
   

http://www.MagicRelationship.net/ebook-mp3-coaching

This statement rarely goes well for men…

… women rarely, if ever, say “We need to talk!”
and then say something that men want to hear, like…

“Honey, I know how much you love making
love… and I’m sorry that I have been ignoring your
needs for touch!

Please forgive me and come to bed right now.
Is that okay with you?”

Not very likely,

So when us men hear those four words…
—————————-
WE NEED TO TALK.
————————–
well, quite honestly, we feel a chill go down our
spines and start looking for the emergency exit
while telling ourselves…

“OH NO! What did I do wrong this time?

This isn’t going to go well for me.

She may need to talk, but I need to get
the hell out of here… and fast.

What I need… is to get a drink, or go fishing.

Or get my teeth need to be drilled on without
any pain killer – until this blows over!”

How do you end the TERROR OF TALKING
and turn it around so that your lover looks
forward to TALKING, or at least doesn’t run
from the room.

Join me this Wednesday, Oct 12th and discover
some of these communication secrets:

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

—————————————-
HOW TO TALK SO THAT YOUR
LOVER WANTS TO LISTEN…
—————————————-
… and understand you. (even about tough issues)

You will also learn about the LISTENING
SWITCH, and what causes your lover to
shut down (BSW) and turn theirs their
ears off and stop listening to you.

and…
—————————————
HOW TO LISTEN SO THAT
YOUR LOVER WANTS TALK…
——————————————-
…to really open up and speak honestly and
vulnerability. And, so they feel HEARD,
UNDERSTOOD and VALUED.

These are skills anyone can learn, but few
do because we were never taught them.

… and much more. In fact you can get
the study guide at

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

Want to know more and discover some of
the secrets of communication with the opposite
sex.

This is like having a DECODER RING that
translates almost any message into one of
two things.

An ACT OF LOVE or a CRY FOR HELP.

Listen as my guest this Wednesday, Oct 12th.
——————————–
THE TURNING POINT
——————————
Some Simple Communication Tools to help
you deal with relationship’s complex issues.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

Live with passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship
and Intimacy Coach

PS. I want to answer your questions on this
call, so make sure to type your MOST BURNING
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION into the special
box when you are saving yourself a space on this
call.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

PPS. Keep your eyes open for the next email.
I will talking about WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS
FAIL… and what you can do about it.

Not on the mail list – fix that and get access to
my FREE SPECIAL REPORT and RELATIONSHIP
VIDEOS…

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freevideos

Believe or not, I spent a good part of the Wednesday and
Thursday behind bars. But hey… don’t worry; it’s not what you
think. I didn’t rob a bank, get a DWI or anything like that.

And… it WASN’T EVEN MY FAULT, really!

It all started about 6 ½ years ago when the head of inmate
counseling for the jail in Golden Colorado heard about what I do.

I’m not sure whether it was my work with ‘at risk teens’ for
the Denver School District or my work teaching the ‘Magic
Relationship Method’ of compassionate communication to the
professors at Naropa University, or something else… but
something got his attention.

What ever it was, he requested that I come in and teach my
compassionate communication method to their counselors who have
the VERY CHALLENGING job of communicating with upset and stressed
out inmates all day (and sometime all night) long.

———————————————————–
THEY WERE VERY SKEPTICAL TO START WITH
———————————————————–

So at the beginning of the class, the counselors were very
skeptical to say the least that this ‘compassion communication
crap’ would work here. But once they saw the method in action,
they warmed up to it. Some of them even got excited, seeing lots
of possible uses in their personal lives.

Well midway through the training I got a little cocky and made
the mistake of saying that this 4 step method was simple e nough
that almost anyone can learn it and use it.

And here is where it gets STRANGE…

—————————————–
THEY WANTED ME TO PROVE IT
—————————————–

They ended up loving this communication method but they wanted
me to prove it.

They suggested we put it to the test! And what they suggested,
well frankly, it scared the hell out of me.

—————————————————————
THIS WAS WAY OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE
————————————————————–

They wanted me to teach my compassionate communication method
to prison inmates! The idea made sense, since most of life’s
problems are really just communication problems… and if you
teach someone new skills

But, I had never worked with inmates before or taught in a jail
or prison (aside from the one time teaching all the co unselors).
The truth I was feeling sick that day and not thinking straight
so I said okay… I will give it a try.

I don’t track how many people go though my classes, but I know
that is been over a 1,000 inmates.

By now you be saying to yourself…

———————————————————-
OKAY, BUT WHAT THAT GOT TO DO WITH ME?
———————————————————-

Well earlier this week I sent an email to you about the
relationships coaches who were stuck and came to me to learn ‘The
Magic Relationship Method.’

If you didn’t read it yet, you can get the rest of the story
at…
magicrelationship.net/blog/relationship-coaches-need-coaching/

Anyway I got lots of response from people like you and one
question peo ple always ask is… “My situation is different, will
it work for me?

—————–
YES AND NO
—————–

The no first, ‘NO’ it won’t work with everyone, every time, in
every situation and get who ever you want to do everything you
want. If it could do that, it would be called mind control.

It’s not a quick fix, a form of manipulation or another
Band-Aid that doesn’t really work.

It is a powerful form of communication that helps you get to
the heart of the issue. It help people open up and talk honestly
about what really going on.

—————————–
Here is the ‘YES’ part…
—————————–

If it will work in jail, for prison inmate… most likely it
will work for you. I have now taught this communication method to
prison inmates for almost 7 years, I have taught both men and
women, anywhere from minimum to maximum security… and it works.

By the way I have tons and tons of testimonials from the
inmates on my website, saying that this method helped them turn
their relationships, and their lives around.

Oh yeah, this is a volunteer program, most of my day to work is
with people like you, couples that still love each other but are
having communication problems that are ripping their relationship
apart.

So I know it works for couples that are willing to learn it…
and use it.

But hey, don’t take my word for it, let me help you prove to
yourself that the Magic Relationship Method will work for you.

————————-
MY GIFT TO YOU…
————————-

I want to thanks all the readers that gave me feedback about
the ‘Magic Relationship Method’ and ‘The Turning Point’
relationship coaching program and take the time to answer a few
of the most common questions that my readers have been asking.

Since…

————————————–
I HATE to write, NO KIDDING!
—————————————

I know this seams crazy because I have written two books on
relationship communication, my relationship newsletter, and
countless articles BUT I hate to write! It’s true, I’d rather get
my teeth drilled on than write.

I have dyslexia, add, can’t spell to save my ass and as for my
grammar, well it could sure use some help. And yet I don’t know
how to write a short email. Don’t worry, I am going to figure it
out soon!

———————————————————-
I WANTED AN EASY AND FUN WAY TO LEARN
———————————————————–

All that said, I decided that the telephone is a much easier
and much more fun to answer your questions and introduce you to
the Magic Relationship Method (compassionate communication for
couples).

Want to hear what everyone is so excited about and get your
relationship questions and answered and listen in from the
comfort and privacy of your own home?

Here is what you do, click on this link, then enter your name
and email (I only send the call in details to people who request
it). Then check your email for details and a special Study guide
PDF.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

Remember, when you get there, also type in your most pressing
question about relationships, intimacy and communication.

Live with passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling

Your Relationship and Intimacy Coach

PS. Let help you prove this communication method will work for
you by answering your questions and show ing you how to put it to
the test. Save your space today and then listen in on October
12th to this one hour call.
http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

PPS. I was once told “Transform the way you communicate and you
can change your relationship with anyone.” The problem was the
person that told me this… didn’t tell me how. I not trying to
get all mysterious on you but in a very short time, you can
discover the communication secrets it took me years  and
thousands and thousands of dollars to uncover.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/freecall

I will cover these topics…
• Increase intimacy with your lover
• Clear up misunderstanding
• Turn breakdowns into breakthroughs
• Bring back that feeling of co nnection, understanding and
support
• Create open and honest communication
• Find out about your “TURNING POINT” and “NEXT STEP”

——————————-
THEY WERE STUCK!
——————————-

Bob and Sarah (names changed for confidentiality) are a very successful couple that work together as relationship coaches…

…so when they got stuck in the middle of a painful communication breakdown in their own relationship, they were frustrated, disappointed and even a little embarrassed. No matter what they tried, they couldn’t work it out.

They got this started when they reached out and asked for help… even though guys sometimes have a hard time asking for help (sort of like asking for directions). But Bob got behind Sarah’s request because their relationship breakdown was having a huge impact on the quality of their lives…

Not only did it impact them, it also impacted their kids and impacted their ability to work together…. and consequently, their ability to help their clients.

That’s a lot of impact!

Sarah called me saying hey needed my help and they needed it now. She wanted something that was POWERFUL, EFFECTIVE and QUICK. They had set aside ONE DAY from their very busy work schedule to learn my compassionate communication tools.

————————————————–
THEY NEEDED A TURNING POINT.
————————————————–

It was going to be a challenge as I’m used to teaching these tools in a two or three day workshop with much larger groups. I have taught these tools to a wide variety of people ranging from couples like you, to counselors and therapists who work with couples, to university professors, to prison inmates (no joke)…

I also coach couples from all around the world over the phone.

But this was a very new format…

So as a special favor for my friends, I put together a private, personalized one day program, just for them. On this day, we went through the Compassionate Communication Principles.

————————————————————
WE PUT THEIR NEW SKILLS TO THE TEST.
————————————————————-

Then followed them up with exercises, practice and put what they learned to the test with some intense ‘role playing’. In other words have them talk about important emotional issues that would normally trigger them.

As we worked through the day, you could hear when an new insight hit home.
It went like this, “ah ha” – “Oh shit” – “No wonder” – “I didn’t know I did that” – “I’m soooo sorry, that must have been painful” – “Now I see why you were so hurt and pissed off” – “No wonder you didn’t want to help me” – “No wonder you wanted to sleep in the guest room”

It was an amazing day and truly “THE TURNING POINT’ for them and their communication. (I’m thinking of keeping this name if I release the program).

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not saying that they solved all of their relationship issues in a single day… or that they learned everything I had to teach about communication. What I gave them the specific tools, techniques and training they needed to turn the corner and start heading in a new direction.

———————————————————
HERE IS SOMETHING I DIDN’T EXPECT.
———————————————————

That day together had such a powerful impact on their lives that Sarah and Bob started talking. They told their clients about what I did for them and this lead to me getting e-mails and phone calls requesting information about this new relationship coaching program called ‘THE TURNING POINT’.

All of sudden there was this buzz and excitement about this new ‘Relationship Program’.

The problem was, there wasn’t really ‘a program’…

…It was a one time training I did for my friends, but once there were enough e-mails and phone calls, I started thinking, it might be time to offer this to my clients and to the readers of my Compassionate Commutation Newsletter.

Maybe a should create and provide a personalized, private, confidential and powerful training that would last a one or two day and be customized for each couple.

Let me tell you in advance, if I create this program…

—————————————————————————–
IT WON’T BE CHEAP, AND IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE.
—————————————————————————–

…in fact you’ll have to qualify to get into it, partly because we’ll be working so closely together and I want to make sure our personalities are a match… (translated, that means if you aren’t any fun to work with, I’m not going to want work with you… and… if you don’t think I’m fun to work with, you won’t want to work with me!)

I also want to make sure you’re committed to learning and applying what I have to teach to your relationship and your life, otherwise it’s just a waste of our time.

In addition, it would be irresponsible of me and frustrating for you if both people in your relationship are not ready, willing and able to make the needed changes to turn things around.

——————-
I AM SORRY!
——————-

I would like to apologize in advance, because of how much personal attention I will be giving each couple and because I already have a busy schedule, I am going to have to limit this to 10 totally committed couples.

The problem is the last time I checked there were 8,807 people on my e-mail list so I will setting up some clear qualifications in advance so that I don’t get overwhelmed with requests to get into this first program.

I will keep you posted.

So… if you are interested in getting on the beta test program, you may want to be on my priority (first to know) waiting list. If so, just go to www.MagicRelationship.net/tpc and enter your name and email. That way, if this program happens, you will be one of the first to know and be considered.

Live with passion, purpose and possibility,

Paul Sterling
Relationship and Intimacy Coach

PS. Keep your eyes open, I will be giving you more details on ‘The Turning Point’ relationship coaching program and what the qualifications will be for taking part in this program . I will also let you know what compassionate communication secrets were revealed to Sarah and Bob… Again, to be on my priority (first to know) waiting list just go to www.MagicRelationship.net/tpc

PPS. This is an obvious but often overlooked fact:

“THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP is based on THE QUALITY OF YOUR COMMUNICATION… when that communication falls apart, so does your relationship!”

IF… you believe that’s true, which it is, THEN… the best way to improve your relationship is to improve your compassionate communication skills.

PPPS. If you want to get started today in creating more intimacy, understanding, and open and honest communication in your relationship, I have two suggestions and some simple tools to help with relationships complex issues.

1) the first is my e-book called ‘STOP… In The Name of Love’. Let me tell you in advance, I never claimed to be a great writer, I just claim to have some great information for turning your relationship around. This book may be the $19.95 you ever spent on your love life. Print it out and start reading it to each other tonight www.MagicRelationship.net/ebook

2) The second suggestion is a set of live recordings I did. There are three parts – the first is ‘Stop Pushing Your Lover Away – 5 Common Communication Mistakes’ – the second is ‘4 Steps to Creating Almost Instant Intimacy – the third is ‘7 Keys To Building a Bright Future With Your Lover’. This program is $97.00 and you will want to listen to it again and again. I have it on my ipod and still listen to it myself when I need a reminder. www.MagicRelationship.net/mp3

Dear Lovers,

Have you ever wondered what it would take to increase the romance and passion in your bedroom… and take your sex life to a whole new level?

How to bring sacredness and intimacy to your love making?

Men… how do you harness and control your sexual energy?

Women… how do you set your sexual energy free with delicious abandon and experience loving ecstasy?

INTERESTED? Great, keep reading.

Join me, Paul Sterling (relationship coach) and discover what Tantra is and how you can use this ancient secret art of sacred sexuality.

I invite you to eavesdrop, as my guest, on a live teleseminar. I will be interviewing world renowned Tantra Teachers, Charles Muir and his beloved, Leah Alchin.

I have asked them to reveal some of the Ancient Tantric Secrets that you can use to super charge your love life and improve your skills and confidence in and out of the bedroom.

They have promised to divulge some powerful and simple tips on how to dramatically increase your intimacy and pleasure and wow your lover.

Charles Muir started the Oldest School of Tantra Yoga in the Western Hemisphere over 32 years ago and has trained over 30,000 students. His ideas on Tantra have been quoted in Wall Street Journal, Yoga Journal, and Esquire Magazines.

Charles and Leah have helped thousands of people who have been hurt, betrayed, abandoned, or sexually used in their relationships… turn their lives around… and go from having a closed down heart and a dysfunctional sex life, to having a loving relationship, with the ability to be an extraordinary lover.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ask/

THIS CALL IS FOR YOU IF WANT TO KNOW:

* What Tantra is and how it can improve your sex life and relationship

* Where to find a women’s sacred spot and what do once you get there

* 3 ways you can quadruple the length of your orgasm

* How to stop sex from feeling like an obligation… and get it back to feeling like a celebration of love and intimacy

* Several ways to create magical moments that instantly open your partner’s heart and keep them smiling all day

* How to be a conscious single and attract your beloved the Tantric Way

* How to stop feeling like something is wrong with you just because no one taught you how to be a great lover… and how to get the best sex education you never got

Join us on this live Teleseminar, a conference call where you get to listen and learn from the privacy and ease of your own phone.

To save yourself a space, just click here and learn how you can listen in as my guest. On this next page you will get the call information (phone number, access code, date and time of call).

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ask/

DATE: April 4th
START TIME: 6:00 pm PST (9:00 pm East Coast Time)
END TIME: 7:00 pm PST (10: pm East Coast Time)

You will also find a place where you can write your most burning questions about Tantra, Sacred Sexuality or any other issue around sex. Charles and Leah will answer as many of your questions as time allows.

Live and love with courage and compassion,

Paul Sterling

Love, Intimacy and Relationship Coach

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ask/

PS. If you can’t make it to the call but want to know more… you can get a Free CD that was recorded live. It is Charles Muir covering the basics of Tantra and some advanced tips and techniques.

http://www.freetantracd.com/

Below is the information on a recent teleseminar I did with my beloved, Julianne Parkinson. If you scroll down to the bottom – you can listen to a recording of the call.

Paul
Valentine’s Day is almost here…

And lots of people are thinking about relationships.

Especially me… being a relationship coach and all.

So here is what I think…

Every relationship has it’s ups and downs…

It’s challenges, misunderstandings and disagreements…

The really important thing is how we handle them – do they bring us closer… or drive us apart?

Ready to try something new… if so – in the middle of your next upset… ask yourself and your lover “What would love do next?” “How would lovelead the way through this mess?”

I have seen… and experienced… first hand, the pain and disappointment that happens when anger leads the way, or fear, or jealousy, or hurt feelings…

But what about love, what if you consciously choose to Let Love Lead? The outcome is very different. I know!

This is the way my be-loved and I choose to work through our upsets… and… I thought with Valentine’s Day coming up… I would share some of the key tips for creating a relationship filled with compassion, connection and understanding.

I know that Valentine’s Day is not always fun. It can be a great reminder of what we have… but it can also be a painful and depressing reminder of what’s missing.

So I decided to create a teleseminar that will give you some compassionate communication secrets to increase… or bring back… the love, intimacy and understanding you want to feel on a daily basis.

** Letting Love Lead – Relationship Teleseminar **

It’s called the “Letting Love Lead” teleseminar (How to create mo re love, intimacy, joy, harmony understanding and passion in your relationship.)

Overly simplified: a great and loving relationship comes from having great and loving communication… and… when that communication starts to fall apart, so does the relationship.

Listen in from the privacy of your home phone and you will…

* Discover what you can do today, that will make a big difference tonight, that will help you bring back the feelings you had when you first fell in love with your lover.

* How to move from being in REACTION… to being at CHOICE with your lover

* How to stop the 5 relationship wrecking mistakes from destroying your relationship

* How to listen so that your lover wants to talk…
Find out the 3 keys to listening

* How to talk so your so your lover wants to listen… Find out the 3 keys to talking

* How to turn communication breakdowns into breakthroughs…

* Along with a simple, 5 minute exercise we do nightly to help keep the love, intimacy and passion alive…

What all this means to you and your relationship is you have more tools and skills to increase the amount of love, intimacy, understanding, connection and compassion you experience in your relationship every day.

Some of these items will be covered in depth, some just briefly because of the limited amount of time on this call.

Be my guest, no charge, my Valentine’s Day gift to you. Click here to save yourself a space of this call.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ask/index.php

*** More Open, Honest & Intimate Communication ***

SEE RECORDING BELOW

It’s easy to attend, just call in to our special conference calling line where you can listen… or participate and ask your most pressing questions about relationships and communication.

I look forward to talking to you soon… and until then, live and love with courage and compassion

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

PS. Discover what it takes to keep love, intimacy and passion alive. Save your space to listen to this candid, hour long teleseminar as

PSS. Give the gift of better communication.

Check out my eBook called ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love. It may be the best $19.95 you ever invested in your relationship.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook/

Part 1 - Letting love Lead #1

Part 2 - Letting love Lead #2

Part 3 - Letting love Lead #3

Part 4 - Letting love Lead #4

Discover the secrets to turning you relationship around. Be HEARD, UNDERSTOOD and VALUED… Learn the power of conscious, compassionate and courageous communication with you lover.

and yes it is 10 MINUTES LONG… but hey, what if it could help you know what to do to save your relationship?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Please watch this mind… and heart opening video… and then leave your comments below.

If you would like a copy of ‘The Turning Point In Your Relationship’ flow chart…  you can download a pdf by clicking on this link or on the image below.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/turning_point_in_your_relationship.pdf

With purpose, passion and possibility,

Paul Sterling

To get your copy of my new book on
compassionate communication for couples
called ‘STOP… In The Name Of Love’

click here...

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook

It’s like a switch was flipped and she was gone.

I know it was something that I said… I just didn’t know what?

That was years ago, before I had uncovered the 5 painful, heart-breaking and sometimes relationship-wrecking communication mistakes.

I wish I had learned about these 5 mistakes years ago, before the divorce and two broken engagements. Some people say that ignorance is bliss, but they are wrong, very wrong.

Not knowing what these mistakes are… how to identify them… and most importantly…how to avoid them was very costly and painful.

You may not know what they are… YET!

But let me tell how to know when you have made one of them. I sure you will recognize these symptoms.

The biggest symptom is one I call the LISTENING SWITCH – make any one of these 5 mistakes and it’s like you flipped a switch and your lover will stop listening – almost instantly!

It’s like they just hit an emotional overload and automatically switched off, they blow a fuse, they tripped an emotional breaker. Okay enough with the metaphors – you get the point.

And… some people have fragile switches, look at them wrong and it’s over. And here’s the hard part… once the breaker is tripped, you have to find their breaker box and reset the switch.

WARNING: Once the switch is flipped – you go from having a loving and compassionate conversation with your lover – to defending yourself against an enemy attack from someone who wants to let you to know you hurt their feeling – by trying to hurt yours.

Another way to know if you made one these mistakes is when an intimate conversation… suddenly turns into a cold, distant, reserved, defensive argument in seconds… and you may not even know why. You are sitting there thinking to yourself, what did I say?

You may never know you did wrong, only that it suddenly got very quiet – or load – or angry. And… now you are walking on egg shells. How confusing, frustrating and upsetting is that? Man, it’s just not fair. And… you end up settling for one word – one way conversations…

The problem here is that once they have turned off the listening switch, it becomes increasing harder and harder to turn it back on… to get them to trust again, to open their ears, their mind and their heart again… to be willing to be vulnerable again. It can takes hours, then days, then weeks and then they are done, it’s game over and any chance to turn things around is gone… the only thing that’s left is regrets.

Make these mistakes every once in a while, even accidentally, and you will hurt your lover’s feelings, they will also feel confused, misunderstood and maybe even attacked… becoming either defensive or attacking back. Now that sucks doesn’t it? Someone is sleeping on the coach tonight.

Make these mistakes more often and it leads to lost trust, intimacy, connection, no romance and a none-existent sex life. At this stage you both still love each other… but are having a hard time living together, the fire is going out fast and you are starting to wonder if it’s worth-while to stay together.

Make them too often… and it’s over! There really is a point of no return, no more do-overs… just the heart-break of separation or divorce, meaning the loss of your loved one and the death of your dreams of happily ever after.. No joke – broken hearts, destroyed self esteem, questioning your self worth…

You may think I’m being overly dramatic here. NOT SO! The problem is most people don’t pay attention in time, they miss their chance to do something, to turn it around before it’s too late. Don’t wait until your teeth are falling out before going to dentist and don’t wait until they move out before realizing there is a problem and trying to get your relationship back in shape.

If you are feeling a little confused and overwhelmed by the whole subject of relationship communication…

It’s not your fault, most of us weren’t taught the secrets to great relationship communication, so of course you didn’t know any better… but if you want things to change, to get better, it is your responsibility. You know have an answer in your hands.

A communication method that will help you to open their ears and hear you, open their minds and understand you and open their hearts and listen with compassion

The 5 compassionate and courageous communication habits you need to develop if you want what you say to be heard, understood and valued.

What you are about to discover a simple compassionate communication method that leaves both people feeling heard, understood and valued. SOUND GOOD?

That is the purpose of this book, to take you by the hand, and walk you step-by-step, though a set a 5 simple, and powerful compassionate communication habits that leave both people feeling heard, understood, and valued.

And isn’t that what we all want… even crave… in a relationship. To be HEARD… To be UNDERSTOOD… and to be VALUED!

With possibility, purpose and passion,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Communication Coach

PS. In case you are curious and want to know what the 5 mistakes are…
mistake 1) Case Building
mistake 2) Story Telling
mistake 3) Message Assuming
mistake 4) Cup Stuffing
mistake 5) the Fatal F’s

I cover them all in detail in…

STOP… In The Name Of Love

PPS. When I say heard, understood and valued… these 3 things are critical so let me say a little more about each of them…

Heard: let me be blunt here, most people have this ass backwards. I know I sure did.  They believe the myth that says, the more you talk, the more chance you have a being heard and understood… the people who believe this myth end up going on… and on… and on… until you tune them out completely, ignoring everything you say. The truth is the complete opposite! For communication to be heard… it needs to be done in small chunks, sometimes even tiny ones. If it’s really important and emotional you may need to go a sentence at a time.

Understood: Dr. Rosenberg, the psychologist that taught me Nonviolent Communication says that “The normal outcome of most communication is misunderstanding.”  This is especially true if the issues are important and emotional and sensitive.  If people perceive they are being misunderstood, or being made wrong or being attacked, they tend to get defensive, attack back, often building into painful conflicts and knockdown drag out fights..

You may want to know, there is a secret to instantly clear up misunderstandings and make sure that you were both heard… and more importantly understood. It’s a simple, powerful and effective tool called a feedback loop.

Valued/appreciated: what’s it feel like to you when you don’t think your lover is hearing… or understanding what you have to say?  The bottom line is most people don’t feel respected, appreciated or valued by their lover. What happens to the trust, intimacy and passion — it’s right out the door.  It also ends any possibility for open and honest communication

To discover the 5 does… and don’t to intimate and compassionate communication, click here instantly download a copy my new book

STOP... In The Name Of Love

STOP… In The Name Of Love

The 5 compassionate and courageous communication habits
you need to develop if you want what you say to be heard,
understood and valued.

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook-order.htm

Have you ever noticed that the people you love the most, are often the most difficult to talk to?  Come discover a compassionate communication method that allows both of you to feel really heard, understood and valued… in any situation.

Picture how much more enjoyable your relationship would be… without the constant drama of conflicts… without the stress of painful misunderstandings…  without having to walk on egg shells… without the frustration of one-word, one-way conversations… when you can talk openly and honestly about almost anything…

On Sunday September 26, at the Spiritkeepers Event, I will be doing a one hour workshop. (this is in Boulder, CO at ‘The West Boulder Senior Center – 909 Arapahoe Avenue – for directions or more information go to: http://www.magicrelationship.net/spirit

you’ll discover how to:

… avoid the 5 common communication pitfalls that wreck relationships and replace them with healthy habits

… end the painful downward spiral some relationships get into and start bringing back the intimacy, understanding, and passion you desire before it’s too late!”

… listen so that your partner wants to open up and talk – talk so your partner wants to listen and understand you

… stop the painful  blame, shame and guilt game – and talk about important, stressful issues without taking things personally or making them personal

The key to a great relationship… is great communication… and when that communication breaks down – so does the relationship. In fact most relationship problems are really just communication problems. So if you want to improve the quality of your relationship, or in some cases: to save your relationship, the secret is to improve the quality of your communication…

Compassionate Communication For Couples Intro

I hope to see you there,

Paul Sterling

PS for more info: http://www.magicrelationship.net/spirit

Listen in and discover how to build a connection of openness, honesty and trust using Fearless Listening and Compassionate Communication to create Courageous Intimacy in your love life.

Discover the secrets to transforming your love life inside and outside the bedroom, both physical and emotional intimacy.

And the 5 intimacy destroying mistakes most couples make…

with passion, possibility and purpose,

Paul Sterling

PS. to get the study guide/handout go to

http://www.magicrelationship.net/study

PPS. to get a copy of my new ebook – STOP… In The Name Of Love – A Compassionate Communication Workbook for Couples, go to

http://www.magicrelationship.net/ebook