Mistake #3 – Message Assuming
“The 5 Relationship-Wrecking
Communication Mistakes”
How to Identify, Understand and, Most Importantly, Avoid Them!
Mistake #3, Message Assuming
In the previous two mini-reports, we discussed the first two of the 5 Most Common Relationship Communication Mistakes: Case Building and Story Telling. Case building is the first choice we are faced with in communication. It is deciding whether we want to build a case against somebody, or whether we want to build a connection with them.
The second mistake is Story Telling. This is when we tell ourselves a story about an observation — and then believe it. We see our lover come to bed with flannel pajamas on, decide they must not want to be intimate and no longer find us attractive, and then begin pouting about it. We are believing our own story about the other person.
The third mistake is Message Assuming – that is, assuming that the person we are talking to actually understands our message in the way that we intended. As human beings, understanding the message seldom EVER happens.
If I talk about a desk to a student of mine, they may associate the word with the place where they are held captive six hours a day. To me it is the place where great thoughts and ideas come to life. Just the one little word, ‘desk,’ can evoke a tremendously different emotional response in two different people.
To avoid misunderstanding, we can ask the other person to repeat what they understood. That way we can hear from them directly what’s going on in their mind.
The most useful request to make is to ask, “Would you
tell me what you heard me say?” That way you’ll know if they heard you the way you had intended.
Here’s an assignment: ask three people today, “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” You’ll be amazed at how many people just assume they are hearing you when what they are
really hearing are their own stories going on in their head.
To Your Relationship
Success,
Paul Sterling
MagicRelationship.com
970-586-7734
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