Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving,
 

I am writing this while watching the sun rise here in Boulder, Colorado
having just enjoyed an evening of tantric bliss with my new girlfriend, Kay.

This last year has been interesting, bumpy and there is much to be
thankful for, especially to my clients for reaching out and giving me the
chance to touch and coach them in the area of compassionate
communication for relationships.

Thank You…

During this holiday season, be gentle on yourself – as they are
stressful, with travel, family get togethers (or not), dealing with
relatives and expectations… damn those expectations.

And so today, here is a brief, but powerful, 4 step exercise you can
use with the people you love a care about… your lover, your kids, your
relatives and your freinds…

Here we go:

ask them if you can have a minute – sit next to them – and…

a)Start with an observation – tell them about something very specific
(an observation) that they did or said that touched, moved or inspired you…

b) Next – how you ‘Feel’ about it… tell them why that touched you –
and how that made you feel…

c) Now tie in the ‘Needs’ that are being met… what need of yours
was met by what they did…

d) And lastly… you make a request… This last step is really important…
and most people miss it when communicating… that is to make sure that
they heard what you said and how they felt when they heard it (sort of a
completion of the cycle) try asking them either “what did you hear me
say?” or “how did you feel hearing it?”

You will be amazed by the power of this simple 3-5 minute exercise.

Here is are 4 examples…

Example #1 To Spouse

a) (to spouse) The way you take care of our kids, getting them up
each morning, getting them ready for school and taking them to all their
events…
b) makes me feel so proud and lucky to be your partner…
c) and that meets my needs for support, partnership and
caring…
d)  Honey… can you tell what you heard me say?

Example #2 To Lover

a) (to lover) When you took me out to dinner…
b) I felt so touched, loved and cared for …
c)  it meets my needs for feeling special, important and
loved…
d) can you tell me how you felt when you heard me say that?

Example #3 To Child

a) (to kids) When you came home with an A+ on you math test…
b) I felt so proud and excited …
c) meets my need to know you are going to be successful…
d) would you be willing to tell me how you feel hearing that?

Example #4 To Parent

a) (to parent) When you gave up on some of your dreams, so I could
join the band…
b) I felt so taken care of and loved…
c)  and it meets my needs for support, caring and understanding…
d) can you tell me what you heard?

Just in case you are saying that this sounds a little odd and you never talk
like that… just know that that is a normal reaction… and if you want new
results – you have to try something new.

And don’t worry, it becomes easier with practice.

Now go and practice this and no… you don’t have to get it right for it
to work.

Just give it a try and they will know that you love and care about
them (at some future time I will give you ore details on this 4
step method).

Okay, if all that seams just a little overwhelming… here is the short

version. Just take a moment and tell them “I am glad you are here… you
are special and make my life better… Thank You”… simple enough
but not said enough.

Have a great Thanksgiving…
with gratitude and appreciation,

Paul Sterling
Your Relationship Coach

PS, please post your comments here after you have tried this exercise.
Happy Thanksgiving…

See You Soon,

Paul

PS Make sure to get your copy of our Outrageous Relationship Roadmap Quiz…

With that in mind, let me introduce myself:  Paul Sterling.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words… so here are 5000 words worth!

Why the photos?  I wanted you to get to know me better if you’re thinking of applying to be part of the Loving Relationship Bootcamp…

The Bootcamp will be a fun, exciting, heart opening adventure – that will challenge you and help you grow.

 Paul Kayaking in Glenwood Springs – May 27, 2008 

As you can guess, this Bootcamp isn’t for everyone.  It’s going to be pretty tough.  That’s why we are only accepting 30 couples so that everyone gets special attention.

Scroll down to the blog entries below to read more about the Bootcamp and to pre-register.  We’re looking forward to hearing from you soon.

To Your Relationship Success,
 

Paul Sterling

Magicrelationship.com

Paul (as passenger) flying the
friendly skies of Mexico this spring…

 
Paul Playing Crocodile Dundee Down in Costa Rica