Mistake #2 – Story Telling
“The 5 Relationship-Wrecking
Communication Mistakes”
How to Identify, Understand and, Most Importantly, Avoid Them!
Mistake #2, Story Telling
Before we take a look at the second mistake of relationship communication, I want to ask if you’ve had the time to look at the article on my website, “The 4 Steps of the
Magic Relationship Method.”This method is a form of Nonviolent Communication (developed my Marshall Rosenberg,
cnvc.org ) that helps anybody in almost any situation stay connected with the other person. If you haven’t had a chance to look at the article, click here:
http://www.magicrelationship.com/articles/FourSteps.htmIt will help you as you move forward in improving you
communication skills.______________
The second most common communication mistake is
Story Telling . This is when you tell yourself a story about an observation — and then believe it.You see, the mind is a Meaning Making Machine – no matter what event we observe, the mind will make up a meaning around it.
A friend of mine who was a teacher relayed this story to
me…“At the high school where I used to teach, my students would spend endless hours in turmoil and despair because of the way someone looked at them when they entered the room. All sorts of stories were created: “She looked at me weird. She’s stuck up and she doesn’t like me. She’s a bitch.”
I suggested to my students that they always check out their stories. The other person would either say there was a problem, or they’d probably look a little baffled and say there wasn’t. Either way, the student would know where they stood and could either go on with their school work, or take care of the friendship problem. If they didn’t check, they would spend the rest of the day worrying and not getting ANY school work done — and probably for absolutely nothing.
When you’re checking on a story, always give the observation that started the story in your mind. Then politely ask if it’s true.
“The unexamined story is experienced as reality.” If you don’t check out a story’s validity, all future behavior will be based on the story as though it were true. And that’s really scary. You could end up destroying your own relationship. You might even leave or turn away a loved one for what you only thought was real.
Practice using the phrasing of telling your partner, “I’m
telling myself the story that…” and see how it works for
you. If you have any questions about using this,
please don’t hesitate to drop my staff an email at info @
MagicRelationship.com
To Your Relationship
Success,
Paul Sterling
MagicRelationship.com
970-586-7734
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