{"id":81,"date":"2008-11-27T14:06:13","date_gmt":"2008-11-27T21:06:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/2008\/11\/27\/giving-thanks-exercise\/"},"modified":"2008-12-05T16:09:41","modified_gmt":"2008-12-05T23:09:41","slug":"giving-thanks-exercise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/giving-thanks-exercise\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving Thanks Exercise&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>\n<meta content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\" http-equiv=\"Content-Type\" \/><br \/>\n<meta content=\"Word.Document\" name=\"ProgId\" \/><br \/>\n<meta content=\"Microsoft Word 11\" name=\"Generator\" \/><br \/>\n<meta content=\"Microsoft Word 11\" name=\"Originator\" \/>\n<link href=\"file:\/\/\/C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CPAULST%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml\" rel=\"File-List\" \/><o namespaceuri=\"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags\" name=\"State\"><\/o><o namespaceuri=\"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags\" name=\"City\"><\/o><o namespaceuri=\"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags\" name=\"place\"><\/o><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>\n<w :WordDocument>\n<\/w><w :View>Normal<\/w>\n<w :Zoom>0<\/w>\n<w :PunctuationKerning \/>\n<w :ValidateAgainstSchemas \/>\n<w :SaveIfXMLInvalid>false<\/w>\n<w :IgnoreMixedContent>false<\/w>\n<w :AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false<\/w>\n<w :Compatibility>\n<w :BreakWrappedTables \/>\n<w :SnapToGridInCell \/>\n<w :WrapTextWithPunct \/>\n<w :UseAsianBreakRules \/>\n<w :DontGrowAutofit \/>\n<\/w>\n<w :BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4<\/w>\n\n<\/xml>< ![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>\n<w :LatentStyles DefLockedState=\"false\" LatentStyleCount=\"156\">\n<\/w>\n<\/xml>< ![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid=\"clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D\" id=ieooui><\/object>\n\n\n<style>\nst1\\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }\n<\/style>\n\n\n< ![endif]--><\/p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n<!--\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\n p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\t{mso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmargin:0in;\n\tmargin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";}\n@page Section1\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\ndiv.Section1\n\t{page:Section1;}\n \/* List Definitions *\/\n @list l0\n\t{mso-list-id:1305356390;\n\tmso-list-type:hybrid;\n\tmso-list-template-ids:1959690012 -63160448 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;}\n@list l0:level1\n\t{mso-level-number-format:alpha-lower;\n\tmso-level-text:\"%1\\)\";\n\tmso-level-tab-stop:.75in;\n\tmso-level-number-position:left;\n\tmargin-left:.75in;\n\ttext-indent:-.25in;}\n@list l1\n\t{mso-list-id:1763795462;\n\tmso-list-type:hybrid;\n\tmso-list-template-ids:-246105708 107787558 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;}\n@list l1:level1\n\t{mso-level-number-format:alpha-lower;\n\tmso-level-text:\"%1\\)\";\n\tmso-level-tab-stop:.75in;\n\tmso-level-number-position:left;\n\tmargin-left:.75in;\n\ttext-indent:-.25in;}\nol\n\t{margin-bottom:0in;}\nul\n\t{margin-bottom:0in;}\n--><\/style>\n<p><!--[if gte mso 10]>\n\n\n<style>\n\/* Style Definitions *\/\ntable.MsoNormalTable\n{mso-style-name:\"Table Normal\";\nmso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;\nmso-tstyle-colband-size:0;\nmso-style-noshow:yes;\nmso-style-parent:\"\";\nmso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;\nmso-para-margin:0in;\nmso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;\nmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\nfont-size:10.0pt;\nfont-family:\"Times New Roman\";\nmso-ansi-language:#0400;\nmso-fareast-language:#0400;\nmso-bidi-language:#0400;}\n<\/style>\n\n\n< ![endif]-->Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving,<o><\/o><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/h3>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">I am writing this while watching the sun rise here in <st1 w:st=\"on\"><\/st1><st1 w:st=\"on\"><\/st1>Boulder, <st1 w:st=\"on\"><\/st1>Colorado <br \/>\nhaving just enjoyed an evening of tantric bliss with my new girlfriend, Kay.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" height=\"229\" alt=\"ScreenHunter_18 Nov. 27 14.01.gif\" width=\"351\" align=\"baseline\" src=\"\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image\/ScreenHunter_18 Nov. 27 14.01.gif\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><o><\/o>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This last year has been interesting, bumpy and there is much to be<br \/>\nthankful for, especially to my clients for reaching out and giving me the<br \/>\nchance to touch and coach them in the area of compassionate <br \/>\ncommunication for relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Thank You&hellip;<\/p>\n<p>During this holiday season, be gentle on yourself &ndash; as they are<br \/>\nstressful, with travel, family get togethers (or not), dealing with<br \/>\nrelatives and expectations&hellip; damn those expectations.<\/p>\n<p>And so today, here is a brief, but powerful, <b>4 step exercise<\/b> you can<br \/>\nuse with the people you love a care about&hellip; your lover, your kids, your<br \/>\nrelatives and your freinds&hellip;<\/p>\n<p>Here we go:<\/p>\n<p>ask them if you can have a minute &ndash; sit next to them &ndash; and&hellip;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><b>a)Start with an observation <\/b>&ndash; <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\">tell them about something very specific<br \/>\n<b>(an observation) <\/b>that they did or said that touched, moved or inspired you&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">b) <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\"><b>Next &ndash; how you &#8216;Feel&#8217; about it&hellip;<\/b><\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"> <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">tell them why that touched you &ndash;<br \/>\nand how that <b>made you feel<\/b>&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\">c) Now tie in the &#8216;Needs&#8217; that are being met&hellip;<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,255,0)\"> <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\"><span>what need of yours <br \/>\nwas met by what they did&hellip;<\/span><\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">d) And lastly&hellip; you <b>make a request<\/b>&hellip; <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">This last step is really important&hellip;<br \/>\nand most people miss it when communicating&hellip; that is to make sure that<br \/>\nthey heard what you said and how they felt when they heard it (sort of a<br \/>\ncompletion of the cycle)<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\"> try asking them either &ldquo;what did you hear me<br \/>\nsay?&rdquo; or &ldquo;how did you feel hearing it?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You will be amazed by the power of this simple 3-5 minute exercise.<span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><b>Here is are 4 examples&hellip;<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Example #1 To Spouse<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\">a) (to spouse) The way you take care of our kids, getting them up<br \/>\neach morning, getting them ready for school and taking them to all their<br \/>\nevents&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">b) makes me feel so proud and lucky to be your partner&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\">c) and that meets my needs for support, partnership and<br \/>\ncaring&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">d)&nbsp; Honey&hellip; can you tell what you heard me say?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Example #2 To Lover<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\">a) (to lover) When you took me out to dinner&hellip;<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">b) I felt so touched, loved and cared for &hellip;<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\">c)&nbsp; it meets my needs for feeling special, important and<br \/>\nloved&hellip; <\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">d) can you tell me how you felt when you heard me say that?<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><b><i>Example #3 To Child<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\">a) (to kids) When you came home with an A+ on you math test&hellip;<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">b) I felt so proud and excited &hellip;<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\">c) meets my need to know you are going to be successful&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">d) would you be willing to tell me how you feel hearing that?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Example #4 To Parent<\/i><\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\">a) (to parent) When you gave up on some of your dreams, so I could<br \/>\njoin the band&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(255,0,0)\">b) I felt so taken care of and loved&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(128,128,0)\">c)&nbsp; and it meets my needs for support, caring and understanding&hellip;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: rgb(128,0,128)\">d) can you tell me what you heard?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Just in case you are saying that this sounds a little odd and you never talk <br \/>\nlike that&hellip; just know that that is a normal reaction&hellip; and if you want new<br \/>\nresults &ndash; you have to try something new.<\/p>\n<p><b>And don&rsquo;t worry, it becomes easier with practice.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Now go and practice this and no&hellip; you don&rsquo;t have to get it right for it<br \/>\nto work.<\/p>\n<p>Just give it a try and they will know that you love and care about <br \/>\nthem (at some future time I will give you ore details on this 4 <br \/>\nstep method).<\/p>\n<p>Okay, if all that seams just a little overwhelming&hellip; here is the short<\/p>\n<p>version. Just take a moment and tell them<b> <\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(0,0,255)\"><b>&ldquo;I am glad you are here&hellip; you<br \/>\nare special and make my life better&hellip; Thank You&rdquo;<\/b><\/span>&hellip; simple enough <br \/>\nbut not said enough.<\/p>\n<p>Have a great Thanksgiving&#8230;<br \/>\nwith gratitude and appreciation,<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Paul Sterling<br \/>\nYour Relationship Coach<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>PS, please post your comments here after you have tried this exercise.<br \/>\nHappy Thanksgiving&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving, &nbsp; I am writing this while watching the sun rise here in Boulder, Colorado having just enjoyed an evening of tantric bliss with my new girlfriend, Kay. &nbsp; This last year has been interesting, bumpy and there is much to be thankful for, especially to my clients for reaching out [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":187,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,22,4,334,3,7,20],"tags":[32,38,666,30,29,37,31,28],"class_list":["post-81","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-4-step-to-instant-intimacy-method","category-building-relationships","category-couples-conflict-resolution","category-news","category-relationship-communication","category-relationship-listening-skills","category-relationship-tips","tag-couples-communication-workshop","tag-couples-retreat-colorado","tag-couples-workshops","tag-family-marriage-seminar","tag-relationship-retreat","tag-relationships-workshop-boulder","tag-wedding-workshop","tag-weekend-relationship-seminar"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/187"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.magicrelationship.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}